Chaos went on shopping adventure this week. Inside one high-end store, a new employee was in training. When Chaos got to the front of the dressing room line, holding her items to try on, the new employee put his hand out and introduced himself. Naturally, Chaos put her hand out too and went in for the shake before realizing he was putting his hand out to take the clothing from her, not to shake her hand. It was too late, she was already committed. She put her hand in his and shook it and introduced herself back. He then took her clothes and her to a changing room. Once she was inside she heard the employees all cracking up hysterically outside the changing room. Maybe they could have waited until she left since they were right outside her room and the doors are open above and below...as if she could not hear them. In her mind, "Hello! I can hear under the doors!" She hastily tried on her items, non of which worked, and got out of there as fast as she could. Maybe, had the staff not been laughing at the miscommunication of introduction and product transfer, she might have liked something she tried on. Alas, the world will never know.
That awkward moment when you shake your dressing room attendants hand and introduce yourself back to them, when they are reaching for your clothes, not your hand.
11.27.2013
11.22.2013
Unicorn Farts
It seems like recently, unicorns have become some sort of a phenomenon. Clearly, they have always been around, I can't be the only person that has seen Legend. Stupid girl touches the majestic Unicorn and upsets the balance between good and evil.Pink used to babysit Boss Lady's children; Pink loves kids. She is the crafty type that makes headbands and hair bows for every occasion. Glitter is her favorite color. One Halloween we decorated mini pumpkins using glitter. Boss Lady started the trend and I followed behind with Pink. When I did mine, I may, or may not, have spilled glitter all over the carpet. This isn't so tragic because Pink was having a bad day when she got into the office. I promptly showed her the glitter mess that was made and suggested rolling in it and becoming glittery because it would make her feel better. She left glitter everywhere. The water even had glitter in the catch dish.
Conversation drew it to our attention that if Pink were in need of giving a bath while babysitting Ducky and Bruiser the Ladies Man, it would be a tub full of glitter. Next thing you know the kids would be getting the glitter in their mouths and eating it leading to glitter poops. We all imagined that Unicorns probably have glittery poops and sparkle farts.
Anytime glitter is around, we immediately go to sparkle farts. It makes sense.
For further education on this subject, search Unicorn Farts. You're welcome.
11.11.2013
Bra
My cookie dough came. Like I said, I knew I would forget about it. I spent last week asking her about my cookie dough (go figure, I was being a monster and in need of the junk food), and then forgot about it. When I walked into the tiny office the other day, Boss Lady came flying around the corner full of excitement putting a giant tub of cookie dough in my hands. Needless today the unnecessary amount of uncooked cookies is sitting at the office in the fridge getting eaten spoonful by spoonful by Boss Lady and me. At least I'm not in this alone.
Please meet South Africa. She has become my mom away from mom, making sure I am eating right and that I am taken care of. She also invites me to events such as pleasure parties (this was a long time ago and I didn't end up going). She is like a great bra, she is supportive but lets me breath.
I am an organizer. I like to play Tetris with items. She had me over to organize her closet and home office. She also cooked me food (told you, total mom away from mom) and made this awesome zucchini soup. Giant, not secret about myself, I don't cook, I have a very minimal amount of items I can make in the kitchen and have been okay with that. After eating the soup, I have decided that at some point I want to make it. I was very excited as she wrote the recipe down for me, then told her how I have now cooked to hamburgers for myself. At which point I began questioning her if I am always supposed to have fluid in the pan when I cook. For example, the first time I made a burger I threw some of the wine I was drinking in the pan. I've seen people do that on cooking shows. The second time I made a burger I had consumed all of my wine, so in a panic I dumped some extra virgin olive oil into the pan. I had to ask her the same question about six times because she kept getting distracted. When I finally got her attention, I realized that it is a blender that you are always supposed to have some sort of fluid in so you don't ruin it, but yes, it is a good idea to have something in your pan too. I'm still skeptical, but I'll just make sure I don't drink all of the wine next time so I can just dump some wine on it.
When you have a digital office, and the websites you work off of are down, it is bullshit. We pay to use these sites so we can avoid paper use. What happens when the website is down and has been down for at least five hours of the working day? You know what happens, a long day tomorrow when the site is actually working again so we can catch up. Also, stop sending us email updates saying that the site is still down. No shit Sherlock. I periodically try logging in to find that it is still broken. Stop sending me unchanging updates and start fixing the damn problem.
Last week, I was too busy watching movies to actually blog about being bored.
First up, Monsters University. Boss Lady and I decided that we want to work for Pixar. After watching the bonus features, it seems like such an amazing company. Not that we are quite creative enough to actually work there, we could just stand and over see things. Problem solved.
It is an incredibly cute movie. It was well done. Billy Crystal as Mike couldn't be more perfect, just as John Goodman as Sulley is so perfectly. The mannerisms that the characters have match so well with each actor that I think makes it all so much more real.
My Biggest question, when Mike needs eye drops, he only needs one, so is it eye drop? Or is it something completely different given that the cyclops eye works like both human eyes put together, I am assuming. It is a Cyclorop? And what is his depth perception like? Now, multiple that by 2,000 and that is how my brain works while watching movies, especially cartoons where anything is possible.
Second up, Despicable Me. I loved it. I had seen bits and pieces here and there but never got to watch it from start to finish. Took me two days to get through it, but it was totally worth it. I love that the youngest girl is obsessed with unicorns, much like Pink. The boogie bots were excellent. And of course, who doesn't love the minions? Pretty sure I'm excited about seeing the second one as soon as Boss Lady buys it for her kids.
Names are interesting. When someone names their child, the reasons for eliminating some names crack me up but I totally understand them. Sometimes names are tarnished when a bad human has that name. For me, Veronica's have always been less than pleasant, I would never name a daughter Veronica. I would also never name a son the name of an ex boyfriend. My dad told me that he wanted a name for me that would be hard to make fun of. He only slightly succeeded due to a company and it's slogan being able to be tied up to my name. I just look back and laugh. I probably got made fun of for my name more than my speech impediment; no one even noticed that, they just noticed that I got pulled out of class.
So let me ask you this: How do you pronounce Shacuntala? If you are pronouncing the word in the middle (the slang work for a lady part) then you are a winner! Whatever parent named their child "Sha-cunt-ala" should maybe be kicked. Now before you go hating on me about cultures and "ethnic" names and what have you (remember, I'm not always PC), this young lady was as all America as she could be. Ironic that this story came up on the day it did because of Shakuntala Devi's Birthday. Same name, but obviously using a K instead of a C. Shakuntala's birthday was November 4th (there was a Google Doodle for it) and she was known as the Human Computer. So I googled her, of course, and her name is driven from Hinduism. Further googling found that Shakuntala is a type of bird. This is how I picture the young girl named Shacuntala looking, much the like (supposedly) Shakuntala bird.
Please meet South Africa. She has become my mom away from mom, making sure I am eating right and that I am taken care of. She also invites me to events such as pleasure parties (this was a long time ago and I didn't end up going). She is like a great bra, she is supportive but lets me breath. I am an organizer. I like to play Tetris with items. She had me over to organize her closet and home office. She also cooked me food (told you, total mom away from mom) and made this awesome zucchini soup. Giant, not secret about myself, I don't cook, I have a very minimal amount of items I can make in the kitchen and have been okay with that. After eating the soup, I have decided that at some point I want to make it. I was very excited as she wrote the recipe down for me, then told her how I have now cooked to hamburgers for myself. At which point I began questioning her if I am always supposed to have fluid in the pan when I cook. For example, the first time I made a burger I threw some of the wine I was drinking in the pan. I've seen people do that on cooking shows. The second time I made a burger I had consumed all of my wine, so in a panic I dumped some extra virgin olive oil into the pan. I had to ask her the same question about six times because she kept getting distracted. When I finally got her attention, I realized that it is a blender that you are always supposed to have some sort of fluid in so you don't ruin it, but yes, it is a good idea to have something in your pan too. I'm still skeptical, but I'll just make sure I don't drink all of the wine next time so I can just dump some wine on it.
When you have a digital office, and the websites you work off of are down, it is bullshit. We pay to use these sites so we can avoid paper use. What happens when the website is down and has been down for at least five hours of the working day? You know what happens, a long day tomorrow when the site is actually working again so we can catch up. Also, stop sending us email updates saying that the site is still down. No shit Sherlock. I periodically try logging in to find that it is still broken. Stop sending me unchanging updates and start fixing the damn problem.
Last week, I was too busy watching movies to actually blog about being bored.
First up, Monsters University. Boss Lady and I decided that we want to work for Pixar. After watching the bonus features, it seems like such an amazing company. Not that we are quite creative enough to actually work there, we could just stand and over see things. Problem solved.
It is an incredibly cute movie. It was well done. Billy Crystal as Mike couldn't be more perfect, just as John Goodman as Sulley is so perfectly. The mannerisms that the characters have match so well with each actor that I think makes it all so much more real.
My Biggest question, when Mike needs eye drops, he only needs one, so is it eye drop? Or is it something completely different given that the cyclops eye works like both human eyes put together, I am assuming. It is a Cyclorop? And what is his depth perception like? Now, multiple that by 2,000 and that is how my brain works while watching movies, especially cartoons where anything is possible.
Second up, Despicable Me. I loved it. I had seen bits and pieces here and there but never got to watch it from start to finish. Took me two days to get through it, but it was totally worth it. I love that the youngest girl is obsessed with unicorns, much like Pink. The boogie bots were excellent. And of course, who doesn't love the minions? Pretty sure I'm excited about seeing the second one as soon as Boss Lady buys it for her kids.
Names are interesting. When someone names their child, the reasons for eliminating some names crack me up but I totally understand them. Sometimes names are tarnished when a bad human has that name. For me, Veronica's have always been less than pleasant, I would never name a daughter Veronica. I would also never name a son the name of an ex boyfriend. My dad told me that he wanted a name for me that would be hard to make fun of. He only slightly succeeded due to a company and it's slogan being able to be tied up to my name. I just look back and laugh. I probably got made fun of for my name more than my speech impediment; no one even noticed that, they just noticed that I got pulled out of class.
So let me ask you this: How do you pronounce Shacuntala? If you are pronouncing the word in the middle (the slang work for a lady part) then you are a winner! Whatever parent named their child "Sha-cunt-ala" should maybe be kicked. Now before you go hating on me about cultures and "ethnic" names and what have you (remember, I'm not always PC), this young lady was as all America as she could be. Ironic that this story came up on the day it did because of Shakuntala Devi's Birthday. Same name, but obviously using a K instead of a C. Shakuntala's birthday was November 4th (there was a Google Doodle for it) and she was known as the Human Computer. So I googled her, of course, and her name is driven from Hinduism. Further googling found that Shakuntala is a type of bird. This is how I picture the young girl named Shacuntala looking, much the like (supposedly) Shakuntala bird.
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