Parenting at its Finest

I work with a lot of mothers.  Some have full time jobs, but it seems like most are stay at home moms.  That's what happens when you seem to find yourself working in a community full of trophy wives.  Trophy wives go to the gym with full makeup on, spend their days working on their own appearance while their well paid nanny actually takes care of the children.  I am not saying that every stay at home mom is a trophy wife.  One of my sisters, in fact, is a hard working, stay at home mom.  She works in her three children's class rooms regularly, and now that they are all in school she is looking to get back into the working world.  That being said, mothering, I think, can be divided into two (very general, don't be ass hurt) categories.  The Push Present Mothers and the Parent Contest Mothers.

Push Present: n. A gift (usually of high quality) given to a mother by the father of a newborn baby.(urbandictionary.com)
There are mothers out there who think that Channel purses, expensive shoes, and plastic surgery are their deserving gift for producing a baby.  Since they destroy their body's bringing a little human into the world, they are under the impression that they should be compensated.  As if they didn't have a choice to have a baby or not.  As a woman, I would be ecstatic to get a piece of jewelry that I could pass to to my daughter, or even my son when he gets married, his wife has a baby, or he has a daughter of his own.  (It is quite trickier giving sons sentimental jewelery presents.)  I could even see myself having a boob "adjustment" after my last child.  But, in the end, if I have a child and start a family it wont be to get a new Carolina Herrera outfit.

Parent Contest.  Those annoying ass mothers that just know that they have the best children in the world.  They would do anything for their kids but know that they have the next Albert Einstein on their hands...  Boss Lady had a run in with one at a park.  Some how she got stuck in the vortex of psycho.  This mother informed Boss Lady that her son's name was Justin and his middle name, Credible.  Justin Credible.  Just inCredible.  Arrogant much?

That Awkward Moment When...#2

I'm not a speller.  Spell check saves my ass on a regular basis.  It is a gift from the heavens.  The coworkers are aware of this and usually give me some assistance if I don't have spell check available.  Now, I'm not a complete dunce, I am efficient, but there are times when I flip letters.  In my defense, I am dyslexic.  This goes beyond misspelling words.  I like to take things a specific way in my mind and settle and accept my way is correct.

That awkward moment when I said Breath Stroke instead of Breast Stroke.  Breast is an unpleasant word to say.  We all have words we don't like.  So, I have gone about assuming that the swimming technique is called a Breath Stroke.  I am very wrong.  Comment regarding it already this morning, "Stroke the Breast, Breast Stroke, what's the difference?"
My point exactly.

Pretty Sure I Died, Didn't You?

Too bad for everyone out there, I did not die.  I just actually had work and life happening that I needed to attend to.  I guess that is what should actually be happening in this little office of mine.

The Olympics are here!  Well, almost.  The events begin on Thursday, but here in America, we don't see the Opening Ceremony until Friday.  Good news because I just finished my drinking game to go along with the opening ceremony!  This gives me about 55hours to get this sucker out into the world to see.  (I get that it might be hard to see.  If you want or need it clearer just leave me a comment and I'll make get on that for you.)

Apparently, stupidity does not discriminate and directions need to be posted on how to use the toilet.  Russia, thank you for instructing the tourists on proper toilet usage.  I have spent my whole life wondering what I was supposed to do.  Too bad I have just learned right now that it is not acceptable to fish in the toilet.

For those of you that don't know, the athletes village comes fully stocked with condoms.  Smart move on their part.  If I were a hot Olympian surrounded by other hot Olympians, I would appreciate protection offering during my stay.  Though many Olympians have amazing bodies, not all are actually the most intelligent (a specific swimmer comes to mind...initials R.L.).
Please do not misinterpret.  I love the Olympics.  I fully support the athletes that have worked and trained their whole lives to compete against and with the best people in the world.  It is unfortunate that we don't get to see more of the intelligent and hard working athletes.

HAPPY DRINKING watching NBC on Friday, February 7th at 7:30.