Swanky is swanky. But that does not stop people from defiling it. This story can go two ways, but it ends the same. Poop on the floor. I would say that I don't understand how someone can literally miss the toilet, but I have witnessed it first hand.
Back in college I spent an afternoon watching the sharks in the playoffs at a diner downtown. This particular diner shares a bathroom with two other venues. Out in the quiet hallway, while opening the door to the bathroom, a grumpy middle aged woman shoved passed me. Usually I am quite a bitch when it is called for, but I was in a good mood and figured, "Damn she must really need to go." Well she did. While I was politely piddling in the second of the two stalls, I heard an, "Oh Shit!" come from the next stall over. OF COURSE I look over to the floor of her stall; statements like that scream for you to pay attention. Upon shifting my gaze I discovered that the rude, rushing lady had actually shit herself. There was poop on the floor and all over one of her sandals. I finished as quickly as possible, opened my stall door to find that there was now a line of women waiting while the stench of the lady's mishap started clouding the entire tiny bathroom. Karma is a bitch, that is for sure. Maybe had she not shoved past me to steal the first open stall, she would have been able to make it onto the toilet. But who knows, that might have ended with me some how getting pooped on. If anything, I have learned some valuable lessons from this experience. Listen to my body. Be polite. And last, do NOT try to squat hover over the toilet; commit and sit! Lord knows she may have been trying to squat and not let her butt cheeks come in contact with the toilet seat.
So today, when I walked into the restroom at a very swanky gym, I was horrified to see poop on the floor of the stall I usually use, I admit it, I am a creature of habit, I like to use one bathroom stall. It is the farthest from the entrance to the three toilet room. Walking into the bathroom I saw a dark smudge on the tile floor and did not even attempt to walk over and try, I already knew. The memories of the lady shitting the floor flooded my mind. As I took my spot to relieve my itty bitty bladder (increasing your water intake will do that to you), I could see a dollop of runny poop on the floor in the next door stall, surrounded by a smear of poop.
I can't help but wonder who the hell managed to shit the floor. After the memories passed I came to two conclusions.
1) A child. A kid must have been cutting it too close to the wire and in an attempt to get the pants down, a slip up happened. Age unknown. It could be a range of from a potty training child that the mom simply couldn't get the pants down on fast enough. Or a much more independent kid that apparently doesn't have the best awareness of when nature calls they had better answer.
2) One of the crazy ladies that is a workoutaholic did a colon cleanse and simply could not control her sphincter any longer.
I am leaning towards #2. A few years back an older lady that is clearly anorexic, did a colon cleanse and was swimming in the family pool at the same swanky gym. She shit the pool, that in turn had to be cleaned and closed for a week. Based on that evidence, I would definitely say that a full grown woman that makes decisions to consume some form of laxatives then head to the gym was the one that pooped on the floor today.
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