Santa:
Children's brains are amazing. Things that they say, their ideas, and how they develop trains of thought are extremely entertaining. Now, I do not have children, nor do I see them in my future anytime soon. Mostly I don't like children. They always say that hating other peoples children is normal, but you will love your own. I mostly agree with this. One of my sisters has three children and I love them all. If the way I love them is an ounce of how I will feel about my own children then I will be better at parenting that I anticipate. Boss Lady has two awesome kids, Ducky (whom you have met) and Bruiser the Ladies Man (all the ladies love him, all the, all the ladies love him.) Aside from my sister's kids, these are the kids that I am the closest with. I babysit them, hangout with them when they are stuck coming into the office, and get excited to see them.
Bruiser the Ladies Man is just at that age where he is putting words into sentences, is playful, and trying to figure out the world. Boss Lady has been scrambling and planning Ducky's birthday party for this weekend and Bruiser the Ladies Man gets to run errands with her. Now, you can imagine the patients of a 3ish year old responding to shopping (though he is a total saint-badass), so Boss Lady picked up an interactive motorcycle toy for him to play with while running about the store. If you anticipated this ending with heart break, you are correct. He wanted that damn toy when it was time to leave, and Boss Lady was not caving. She then told him, "If you really want this toy, you can ask Santa for it."
Bruiser the Ladies Man responded in a very serious, disappointed, bummed out, annoyed, tiny human voice, "I don't like those Santas."
Where he got this from, we have no idea. He wasn't quite old enough to grasp the idea of Santa and Christmas last year. As we all know though, children are more porous than Sponge Bob Square Pants. They listen to everything, so it wouldn't be surprising if he picked it up in passing at home. Maybe he thinks that those Santas are people that you have to get toy purchasing approval from, and they will accept or deny the request, which is why you don't get everything you want. Or he was just upset and did not like Boss Lady telling him to ask Santa.
Cooking shows:
Cooking shows are skeptical. Shows like The Voice, The Biggest Loser, Project Runway, etc., the viewers get to see the product and decide if they like what they are hearing or seeing. Food shows: I can see if I like the presentation of the food and how the cook makes the food, but I cannot taste the dish. I have to trust judges on the show eating the food and telling me what the food tastes like. Too salty? Umm, I'm sorry, for who? I like salt. Too sweet? Maybe that judge has never experienced a monthly bill that women receive. Make the shows better! Have an audience and let them try the dish as well and give me more input to make my decisions since I can't hear the food sing or watch it lose weight.
It is hard enough being at work when I am starving and listening to Boss Lady talk about and Pinterest food. I don't need people on TV eating and telling me that it is the best they have ever had. How about I want that food now too, I will eat the whole thing instead of just a few bites, and I will be the judge on a full stomach.
Cats:
Story of the day. A dog has been rather sick for the last two days, having accidents around the house. Poor pup. Some how this triggered a tale of a cat who ate a piece of ribbon. Animals get into everything. When you think they will get into one thing, it goes untouched, when you don't predict them getting into another, you arrive home to a mess, something destroyed and/or missing, or a gift (usually a dead gift).
This cat who ate a ribbon ended up not passing it all out in the first go. Instead there was a small tale of ribbon sticking out of it's little cat butt hole. Next thing the story teller saw was a dog stepping on said ribbon tale, tugging it while doing so, scaring the hell out of the cat who then ran off and out came several feet of ribbon, there in so "flossing the cats colon" to quote Boss Lady word for word. I don't know about you, but I feel sorry for the poor person that had to pick that ribbon up.
Strip Clubs:
Who goes to strip clubs? In my head there are three kinds of crowds attracted to them, barely legal guys that are stoked that they are finally allowed to pay a chick to make them horny but not finish the deed, bachelor parties, and old decrepit men that are degenerates. Boss Lady and I agreed that when we think of strip clubs we envision gross old men. We then started painting verbal images about the out come: old gross man, leaves the club covered in glitter, and smelling like artificial strawberries.
All of this because I was trying to convince someone that left their money clip on a counter to tip me in $5.00 bills if I took my jacket off and my shoes off. It was a no go. Personally, I don't think I have what it takes to actually get paid by the decrepit men to get naked. I'll stick with having amazing conversations in a small office space.
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