Personal space. Personally, I do not like being touched or touching other people. If I know someone, I am okay with the hugs, arm pats, or other ridiculous things that would be popping my force field bubble. This brought up a rather colorful conversation a while ago. When do you hug someone? If you go out to dinner with friends you don't see all that often, be it couples or individuals, do you hug? What if you see them all the time at work, your hobbies, school, etc., and you decide to go out to dinner, do you hug?
We have found that there are huggers. The people that are happy to see you so they hug you. The people that are happy about something they have going on in their life, so they hug you. They get back from a trip, you get a hug. They are leaving for a trip, hug. Then there are the huggers that feel like you are having a bad day so they hug you. Now, I don't know about you all, but if I am having a bad day, if I am sad or upset, I do not want a hug from someone that doesn't know me well enough for me to even tell them why I am not at my best. A lot of people think hugs should happen all the time. But what about those of us who feel like the hugs make things awkward? I don't want to be embraced in a hug then wreak of their perfume or body odor (oh yes, that has happened) all day. I shower so I can smell clean and smell like my own perfume and not smell like b.o.
Hugs are not needed at the beginning of dinners or after dinners. If you are going out with friends you see often, there is no need for a hug unless someone has just died or been dumped, and in those cases it is still a per person thing. We are individuals for reasons.
My family cat had to be put down. She had a beautiful life, and had been in my life for 17 years. The poor girl was old and sickly and had stopped eating. For quality of life reasons my dad stepped in. He didn't want me to not know what was going on, so he called and told me. Of course this upset me. She and I had a love hate relationship my whole childhood. Once I moved away, when I would come home she would put up with me and actually cuddle with me. I felt sad. A person that came into my office, that I had only met a handful of times, could tell my eyes were puffy and perhaps a bit tear stained. She asked me if I was okay. I informed her of my cat having to be put down. Instantly, her response, "You need a hug." Before I even had a chance to say no and run away, there she was embracing me. The awkwardness oozing from my pores was palpable. She then said, "I am a hugger. I could just tell you needed one." Little did she know I did not need a hug, especially not a hug from her.
Be warned, when you have discussions like this and tell people that you don't want to be touched, they get a kick out of invading your personal space. I received more hugs around that period of time than I ever wanted. You would think my sarcastic and "dark squichy" (as Boss Lady says) personality would deter people in general. But no. Not after this conversation topic resurfaced for about a week long period of time.
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